


All the Trouble That I've Run From

by inzomnia



Category: One Direction (Band), X Factor (UK) RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-10-28 18:14:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17792306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inzomnia/pseuds/inzomnia
Summary: Friends for life - that’s what they were supposed to be. But, this wasn’t a ‘friends for life’ situation. Avoidance and pretending one another didn’t exist were not ‘friends for life’ situations.





	1. Chapter 1

_“We’re friends for life, you and me. Anytime you need a friend, I’ll be right there.”_

Brendan slammed his empty glass down on the bar, frowning at the bartender as he asked for another drink. The man gave him a look, and Brendan knew that the man had been counting the glasses, something the Tuam lad quickly found himself losing count on. He was certain he was drunk, but he couldn’t care less. He came to the pub with a mission - to forget. He wasn’t going to stop drinking until his mind was foggy enough to forget the words that had lately been echoing through his mind.

It had been two months since Brendan heard those words come out of Louis Tomlinson’s mouth, just minutes after Brendan was eliminated from  _The X Factor._ And, at the time, those words meant everything to him. But, now? He resented them. Absolutely resented them.

Two months. Two whole months, and, not a word was said between him and Louis. The man who had once been his mentor promised to sit down and talk to him about signing a record deal, to help him weigh out the options, anything to help properly pave his way into the music industry. However, that plan fell through, and, well, so did everything else.

The  _X Factor_ Tour got canceled due to creative differences, technical difficulties, and a lack of a budget. Louis wasn’t talking to him. Brendan was stuck at his old plumbing job.

One month of failed attempts to contact Louis. That’s all it took before he gave up and listened to his parents’ urges to go back to everyday life. He barely made it through a month back at the job before realizing he couldn’t do this, that everyday life wasn’t for him.

He wanted to make records. He wanted to travel the world, playing sold-out shows to fans who sang his songs back to him, word for word. Brendan wanted the life Louis was living. He had been so close to getting there so many times, only to have his dreams, his future, pulled out from under his feet - only to have to try to get there again.

But, was it even worth it anymore?

A newly filled glass was placed in front of him, and Brendan thanked the man, raising the glass to his lips as he glanced around the pub. It definitely wasn’t a place meant for people his age. An ‘old man’s pub,’ Louis had called it, telling him they were the best places to hang out at. No one would recognize them there. And, it was a good idea - no one had recognized him yet.

Though, whether that was because he was at a pub for people three times his age, or because his persona had been forgotten by the general public, was up for debate.

_“We’re friends for life…”_

He couldn’t help but laugh as the words repeated through his head once more.

Friends for life? Yeah, right.

He wished he never found out that Louis was coming to Galway on his tour. Or, at least, he wished he found out earlier, so he could have some time to leave. For all he knew, Louis could have already been roaming around the city. Brendan hoped they wouldn’t run into each other, though, he doubted it would ever happen, as Galway was big. He was certain that Louis would also be trying his best to avoid him, but that wasn’t going to stop Brendan from making plans to lock his doors and stay inside for the next couple of days.

Brendan set down his glass, rubbing his face in frustration. How could Louis ignore him like that? How could he? He understood Louis was a busy man, but, he had time for Dalton. And Anthony. Even Armstrong! So, what was wrong with him? What did he do to make Louis stop talking to him? He tried to think back, tried to find a reason for Louis’ avoidance.

Louis hadn’t caught on, had he? He hadn’t caught any longing looks or shy glances, right? No, that was impossible. Brendan made sure to be careful. He made sure Louis would never find out.

He let out a sigh, running his fingers through his hair.

“Can… Can I have… another pint?” Brendan called out to the bartender, slurring and stumbling over his words. The bartender shook his head, heading over and taking the glass.

“I’m cutting you off,” the man said, “You’ve drank too much, lad. You won’t make it out of the building if I give you another.”

Brendan frowned as he stood up. Despite losing count, he didn’t think he had all that much to drink. Hell, if he wouldn’t make it out of the building after the next drink, then perhaps his mission for the night would be a success. He wasn’t going to fight the bartender over another drink, though. He was sure he could find some more alcohol at the back of his fridge if he tried, so, he just paid for his drinks.

The bartender asked him if he wanted a cab called, but Brendan refused. His flat wasn’t too far away. He would be fine walking home. Besides, it was late, and the streets were emptying out. He would be okay.

The February air hit Brendan as soon as he opened the door, causing him to pull the sleeves of his jumper over his hands as he stumbled down the sidewalk.

Maybe he should have called for a cab.

No, not maybe. He definitely should have gotten a cab.

It was cold, and Brendan was quickly remembering that he went to a different pub than the one he usually went to, one farther away from his flat.

He groaned at the realization, putting his head in his hands as he cursed under his breath. Where even was his place from here? He looked around, trying to look for something, anything that looked even remotely familiar. But his foggy mind couldn’t recall anything from the dark, blurring shapes around him as he wandered down the pavement.

What was he going to do if he couldn’t find his way back? He figured he could stay at a hotel for the night, but he would rather not do that. He preferred to wake up hungover in the comfort of his own home.

His search for a route back home was cut off moments later when he felt his foot hit something, his body lunging forward as he tripped. Brendan grabbed onto the closest object he could reach in a poor attempt to keep his body from hitting the ground, ultimately failing when the thing he grabbed gave way.

He hit the ground with a grunt of pain, his glasses flying off his face and landing somewhere nearby.

Hiding his face in embarrassment, he tried to process what just happened. The object he had grabbed to break his fall moved beside him.

Shit. He just pushed someone over.

“Oi, what the fuck, lad?”

His body went cold. Colder than it had felt before, at least. His limbs went numb from the dread building inside him at the sound of an all too familiar voice.

It couldn’t be.

There was no way.

“Hello?” the voice spoke, a hint of irritation rising in it. Brendan felt something, most likely a finger, jab into his shoulder blade. “You alright lad? You kind of need to get off the pavement, you know.”

Brendan didn’t want to get up. He wasn’t ready to face the man, the reason he was even out here. He didn’t want to face the possibility of being wrong about who it was, either. But, he knew he would have to at some point. He sat up, eyes refusing to meet the man’s own. He just couldn’t look at him.

This definitely wasn’t how he expected his night to be going. He figured that he would go home and crash in his bed, maybe his couch, and then wake up in the morning with a massive hangover, kneeling over the toilet with a pounding headache. Not this.

“There you are, mate.” Brendan could hear the stupid smile in his voice. “You okay? Took a serious tumble, didn’t y--”

He felt like he was going to be sick, the moment he heard the man cut himself off.

Please.

Not tonight.

“Brendan? Is… Is that you?”

_Don’t look up. Whatever you do, don’t look up._

“Bren? It’s me. Are you okay?”

The use of the nickname caused him to look up. He never called Brendan that. He had to make sure it was him. And, of course, there he was, in all his glory.

Louis Tomlinson.

He looked good.

Brendan could feel what he previously drank start to come back up. He tried to stand up, only to fall forward and land on his hands and knees, coughing as his stomach began to empty out its contents. He needed to get out of there. He needed to get as far away from this man as he could in his current state. Judging by how well he was doing at standing, it wasn’t going to be that far.

Throwing up on the ground next to his ex-mentor, who he hadn’t seen in two months, was not how Brendan expected the night to go.

He felt a hand on his back, his heart racing as he raised a hand of his own to wipe his mouth. He coughed, throat stinging as he tried to regain his breath.

This was great.

Absolutely amazing.

Brendan expected their reunion to be far better than this. He expected himself to be in a much better place - perhaps with a record deal under his belt and an album on the way. He wanted to be standing strong. He wanted to prove to Louis that he didn’t need him after all, that he was doing fine without his ex-mentor’s help. Instead, the world decided to present Louis a drunk mess of a man, weakly kneeling before him for approval.

“You alright, mate?” Louis asked once more, tilting his head. Brendan pushed himself up into a seated position, still feeling the man’s hand on his back.

“Just… Wanna get home…” Brendan muttered out, frowning when he spotted his glasses a few feet away, a lens cracked and the frame bent. Embarrassed tears filled his eyes, and he reached out to grab his glasses, only to be pulled back by Louis.

“Hey,” Louis murmured, a gentle tone in his voice, “Hey, I’ll get them. It’s okay. I just don’t want you getting your hands in what you’ve thrown up, yeah?” Brendan gave him a quiet nod, sniffling as he watched a blurry Louis get up to retrieve the glasses.

“Oh, lad…” Louis cooed when he came back, noticing the tears streaming down Brendan’s face. He put the glasses his jacket’s pocket, carefully helping Brendan stand. He grabbed at the lad’s fingers and the two of them quickly realized that Brendan had scraped up the palms of his hands. The realization of pain only caused him to cry more.

“Where’s home, Bren? Can you tell me...?”

Brendan sniffled, shaking his head. “I… went to a different pub. Don’t know how to get home.” Louis frowned at that.

Wandering around town to find Brendan’s place wasn’t an option until morning, since there was a risk of Brendan injuring himself or being sick again. That wasn’t a thing either of them wanted, especially if it were to happen out in the streets.

“You, sir,” Louis started, “You are very lucky we bumped into each other right outside the hotel I’m staying at.” Brendan blinked, looking up at the building in front of them.

Ah, a hotel. Louis was right - how lucky.

“You can stay in my room, yeah? And, in the morning, I’ll take you home and you can get some more rest.”

Spending the night with Louis sounded like an awful idea. He would rather go home. However, he was tired and in pain, and spending the night with Louis sounded less and less like a terrible idea with every thought he had against it.

Brendan ended up agreeing to Louis’ plan, nodding his head with a yawn. He let out a surprised yelp when he felt Louis pick him up, starting to flail his arms and legs in an attempt to get away from Louis’ grasp.

“Oi, calm down,” Louis muttered, tightening his hold on him, “You’re not sober enough to walk. You’ll just hurt yourself even more. Calm down. You’re okay, you know. I won’t drop you.”

Brendan sighed, wrapping his arms around Louis’ neck, burying his face in his shoulder. Louis pulled the younger lad’s legs around his torso, keeping an arm around the lad’s waist, his hand finding its way to Brendan’s hair.

“Gotta keep your head down, lad. I’m sure we both don’t want people recognizing you right now.”

Brendan didn’t care about the excuse Louis gave, didn’t care to debate the logistics of whether or not people would actually recognize him - his mind was too busy screaming at the fingers tangling themselves into his hair.

This wasn’t allowed.

Brendan couldn’t allow this to happen.

Any inkling of any feelings for Louis that Brendan may or may not have formed over his time on  _The X Factor_? He couldn’t let those come back. He tried too hard to bury those feelings, multiple times, and he was almost certain he finally did it not too long ago.

Guess not.

He was drunk, Brendan had to remind himself. Feelings were amplified when people were drunk, right?

So, why wasn’t he angry? Why was the anger he felt towards Louis just moments before quickly diminishing, as Louis held him close, as Louis carried him through the building?

It felt like hours, the journey to Louis’ hotel room. He felt like he was holding his breath the whole way, as if he was trying his best not to let the screaming in his mind escape his mouth. When Louis finally freed him from his hold and set him down in a chair in the room, it felt like he could finally breathe again.

“Right, lad,” Louis spoke, running his fingers through his own hair, “I’m going to see if I can find a first aid kit. You stay right there, yeah?” He disappeared from the room, leaving Brendan on his own with his thoughts.

“Shit,” he mumbled to himself, glancing around the room. There was barely any signs that the room was even used. That is, unless the suitcase laying open on top of the neatly made bed meant anything.

Louis hadn’t been there long.

His face started burning up, embarrassment twisting in his stomach. He bet Louis wasn’t expecting his night to go this way, either.

Did he even expect to see Brendan, the moment he was told he’d be going to Galway? Did he even  _remember_ who he even was before they ran into each other?

Brendan needed to get out of here, he realized, rubbing his face. This wasn’t where he needed to be, especially in his drunken state. So, he pulled out his phone, trying to make an effort to figure out where he was and how to get home. He didn’t get too far in his search by the time Louis came back, holding a container that Brendan could only assume was a first aid kit.

“Alright, Bren,” Louis spoke, kneeling in front of him, “Let’s make you feel better.”

Brendan’s eyes widened at the scene in front of him. No, this isn’t what he needed right now - the image of Louis kneeling in front of him was meant to be an innocent one, but his mind was taking it a much different way and, well, it needed to stop, before things took a further turn for the worse.

Thankfully, Louis didn’t pay attention to the reaction the lad had, busy inspecting the medical items in the box. He then got up to go to the bathroom, returning with a wet towel.

“Okay, I’m gonna use this towel to wash your hands off,” Louis started, kneeling back down, “And, then I’m going to spray some stuff on it. It’ll hurt a little, but, I promise it will make it heal faster. We’ll bandage you up, after.”

Louis proceeded to do exactly what he told Brendan he was going to do, being sure to be gentle with every step. The spray did make Brendan’s hands sting, but he trusted Louis enough at that second to believe his words. Besides, Brendan was sure the idea of Louis holding his hands and tending to his wounds hurt more, especially after Louis finished wrapping his injuries up and his hands were no longer in his.

“All better,” Louis told him, a smile on his face. Brendan gave him a weak smile in return before looking down at his bandaged hands. “We’ll see how those are doing in the morning before I take you back home.”

The morning.

Right.

He didn’t have long before Louis dropped him off and went back to pretending that he didn’t exist. Before Brendan was forced to go back to pretending he and Louis never crossed paths.

“Friends for life…” Brendan muttered out, not realizing he had said it.

Friends for life - that’s what they were supposed to be. But, this wasn’t a ‘friends for life’ situation. Avoidance and pretending one another didn’t exist were  _not_ ‘friends for life’ situations.

Silence filled the room for a brief moment before Louis spoke up.

“Of course,” he simply said, standing up and setting the first aid kit on the table beside the chair, “Now, I’m letting you have the bed. I’ll sleep on the couch. Don’t even try arguing, because I know what waking up after a night of heavy drinking is like. You’ll want to be in a comfortable bed. Not on a couch.”

“But…” Brendan frowned, unable to fathom Louis’ decision. “But… why would you… want…? I can couch.”

“You can couch?” Louis repeated, a soft laugh escaping his mouth. Brendan nodded quickly, getting up and stumbling towards the couch. Louis grabbed his arm in an effort to steady the lad.

“How much did you drink? You can’t even take two steps in front of you!” Brendan shrugged in response as he crawled onto the couch.

“Too much.”

Brendan watched Louis nod at his answer before heading over to the bed. He moved the suitcase off of his bed, setting it on the floor before rummaging through it and pulling out a blue blanket.

“I use this when I’m traveling,” Louis explained, laying it over Brendan, “But I suppose you can use it tonight, if you  _really_ want to sleep on the couch.”

The blanket was soft, and Brendan curled up under it, letting out a yawn. He felt tired, but Louis was right about the couch. It was stiff and uncomfortable, and the bed looked so much more comfortable, now that the suitcase wasn’t taking up all the space.

Louis must have noticed him eying up the bed, because he suddenly felt himself get lifted off the couch, Louis cradling him in his arms. He was certain his face was quite pink, his whole body feeling hot as Louis laid him on the bed. Brendan looked up at him in confusion, holding the blanket to his chest.

“You take the bed,” Louis told him with an encouraging nod, “Honestly. I’m fine with the couch.”

It didn’t seem fair. After all, Louis was the one allowing him to stay in his hotel room for the night. Brendan should have been the one sleeping on the couch. Though, the more he realized how comfortable the bed was, the less he wanted to sleep on the less comfortable couch. And, the bed was far bigger than the couch - there was plenty of room.

He got an idea.

“Uhm…” Brendan sat up to look at Louis. “Sh-share…? No couch?”

Louis looked down at him, a hesitant look on his face. Brendan looked away at that, his attention turning to the blanket as his fingers pulled at a loose thread.

He figured it wasn’t the greatest idea, sharing the bed. The two of them hadn’t seen each other in a while, and Brendan didn’t even know if Louis even liked him as a person. Louis could truly hate him, for all he knew. He could have been acting for the show, allowing Brendan to fall for his lies, to develop feelings for a _l_ _ie_.

At this point, he wouldn’t be surprised.

He was about to tell him to forget it, to apologize to Louis for his idea, before he felt a sudden weight next to him on the bed. Brendan looked up, glancing at Louis sitting next to him before nervously biting his lip and looking away.

“Just stay on your side,” Louis told him, “It’s too warm in this place to be sleeping on top of each other, you know.”

Brendan saw movement in the corner of his eye and looked over, eyes widening at the sight of Louis taking his jumper off. He couldn’t help but stare at the man’s tattooed chest, his mind screaming once again at the sight. He then heard Louis clear his throat and quickly looked up.

“I uh… I hope that’s okay with you,” Louis started, rubbing the back of his neck, “You know, trying to cool off a bit. You uh… You can too, I suppose. Since, you know, you _are_ wearing a jumper too.”

Brendan blinked, looking down at his hoodie. He didn’t even realize until that moment that it was the one Louis had gotten him for his birthday. He just grabbed whatever looked comfortable before he left for the pub.

He was quite warm, though. Perhaps it would be better to not suffer through the night.

Brendan shyly pulled the Burberry jumper over his head, setting it on the ground before crawling into bed and wrapping Louis’ blanket around him. Chewing on his lip, he looked over at Louis. The Doncaster man said a quick goodnight to Brendan, and Brendan said one back, rolling over onto his side, his back facing Louis.

He almost felt embarrassed, laying there shirtless next to Louis. His body didn’t compare, and he was definitely feeling self-conscious over it as he made sure his body was covered up. He didn’t want to be judged by him. He already had enough of that.

The Brendan he was six months ago wouldn’t believe this was happening. Hell, the Brendan he was now couldn’t believe it was happening. He really was in bed with Louis Tomlinson, which, he was certain, a lot of people wished would happen to them. Not many people could say it did, however, and Brendan never thought he would be able to, either.

He wished it wasn’t such a big deal to him, sharing a bed with Louis, but it was. Nothing other than them laying next to each other was going to happen, but this was still important to him. After all, it was the first, and, probably, the last time this would be happening.

It was that thought that made him remember that this could actually be the last time he’d ever see Louis. He only had a few hours left with him, and most of them would be spent sleeping.

Brendan started to cry at the realization.

He wished he wasn’t so drunk. He wished that he wasn’t crying, that he could at least keep his cries quiet, but the moment a sob escaped from his mouth and echoed through the room, Louis shot up, turning on the lamp beside him.

“Hey,” Louis whispered, “What’s wrong, Bren?”

“I’m… I’m never going to see you again.”

Brendan rolled over to look at Louis, noticing a sad look on Louis’ face through blurry tears.

“Of course you are, Brendan. I promise.” Louis murmured, reaching to turn the lamp off. Once the light was off, Louis pulled Brendan into his arms. “Friends for life, remember?” The comment only made him cry more.

“Wh-When?” Brendan squeaked out, “When? You’ll… You’ll be busy. And… I’m gonna be plumbing… Stupid plumbing because… because no one wants me and I’m gonna be stuck plumbing forever.” He felt Louis hug him tighter, a hand finding its way to the back of his head, fingers tangling into Brendan’s hair.

“Don’t… Don’t say that,” Louis whispered, Brendan barely noticing the shakiness in his voice, “You are… so important to me, okay? You are so very important. To a lot of people, actually. Please don’t say you aren’t.” Brendan sniffled, closing his eyes as he laid his head on Louis’ chest. The sound of Louis’ heart beating echoed in his ears, the steady rhythm calming him down a little as Louis played with his hair.

“You are so special, Brendan,” Louis whispered, still trying his best to calm Brendan down as he wiped away stray tears from his face, “I promise, good things are going to come your way.”

They laid there, Brendan curled up in Louis’ arms, Louis whispering soothing words to Brendan. He eventually fell asleep, feeling safe in those tattooed arms.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning was a different story.

Sunlight seeped into the room, shining over Brendan’s face. His face scrunched up in reaction to the bright light, and he buried it into what he thought was a pillow, letting out an annoyed groan. It was when he felt the pillow slowly rising and falling that Brendan quickly opened his eyes, sitting up a bit too suddenly for his pounding head.

“What the fuck?” Brendan mumbled to himself, rubbing his face. Had he really drank that much the night before? Did he really bring someone home with him? That wasn’t something he would do.

Why did he go out again?

He was almost afraid to look at the person he brought home, their arms still loosely wrapped around his body. For the most part, he didn’t want to know who the stranger was. He wasn’t going to remember their name or the details of their drunken rendezvous, so what was the point?

Perhaps he could sneak off and lock himself in his bathroom until the stranger left. 

It sounded like a decent idea, so Brendan uncovered his face, looking up to realize that, he wasn’t in his flat. He was most definitely in a hotel room. 

He grimaced. He wasn’t going to be able to hide until the other person left, he realized after spotting a suitcase laying on the floor across the room. It didn’t take him long after that to make the stupid decision of catching a quick glimpse of the room’s owner. 

Nothing could have prepared Brendan for who he saw.

“Shit, shit!” Brendan squeaked out, quickly pushing tattooed arms away from him as his heart began beating faster, pounding hard against his chest. 

There was no way in hell he slept with  _ Louis Tomlinson _ .

He felt sick to his stomach as he tried to remember the night before. He eventually gave up, putting his head in his hands. What the hell had he done?

“Bren?” A sleepy voice called out from beside him, “You alright, lad?” 

_ Louis. _

Brendan shook his head, feeling the mattress shift as Louis sat up. His body tensed up as he felt Louis press a hand against his face, figuring he was only checking for a temperature, despite Brendan not wanting to be touched. 

“Are you going to be sick? Do you want me to take you to the bathroom?” Brendan nodded urgently, and Louis immediately stood, picking the lad up and carrying him to the bathroom. Brendan instinctively reached forward to cover himself up, feeling a small wave of relief wash over him when he realized he was still wearing his trousers from the night before. 

Louis sat him in front of the toilet, and Brendan let out what he could.

What was he doing here? If he and Louis didn’t do anything the night before, then, why was he here? Why did he wake up in Louis’ bed? 

None of it made sense.

When he finished throwing up, Brendan leaned back against the wall to let himself catch his breath. He brought his knees to his chest, frowning to himself. 

How could he be so stupid? How could his drunk self just let Louis back into his life as willingly as he did? 

He looked up, his eyes meeting Louis’ concerned ones as the lad sat on the bathroom counter. 

“Why… Why am I here?” Brendan asked, irritation in his voice as he looked away from the man in front of him. “Why aren’t I at home, where I should be?” He heard Louis hop off the counter and walk over to him, watching as he kneeled in front of him.

“You were… really drunk last night,” Louis started, “I guess… I guess you were trying to figure out how to get home when you bumped into, no, crashed into me. I just wanted to have a smoke, lad. They won’t let you do it in the rooms. Not even the balcony! But, you hurt yourself.”

Brendan looked down at his hands when he felt Louis gently grab them, as if he was trying to show him what had happened. Sure enough, there were bandages wrapped around his hands.

“Broke your glasses and almost threw up on me as well,” Louis continued with a small nod, “Luckily, you just let it all out on the pavement instead. I couldn’t leave you out there, so I just brought you inside.” Brendan frowned more, pulling his hands away and crossing them over his bare chest. 

“And, you didn’t want to get me a cab? Or, perhaps, get your driver to take me home?”

“Brendan, it was 2:30 in the morning, do you really think I was going to do that? Besides, you could barely walk last night, you were that far gone. I wasn’t going to just dump you in a car and send you off. It just wasn’t going to happen.” Louis got up, a frown on his own face. “Sorry you didn’t wake up in your own bed, I guess. God forbid, someone helps you out.” 

Brendan watched Louis walk out of the bathroom, feeling guilty for his standoffish actions. Louis  _ was _ just trying to help. He just wished he hadn’t remembered that Louis was the reason why he’d gotten so drunk the night before. His heart ached, seeing him again, knowing he upset him. Despite the heartache, though, Brendan  _ did  _ have to admit he was a bit grateful that it was Louis he ran into, and that Louis decided to help him.

He just hoped his drunk self didn’t do anything  _ too _ stupid in front of him. 

Slowly getting up off the tiled floor, Brendan cleaned himself up before he carefully made his way back out to Louis, a bandaged hand gripping on the wall with every step. Leaning against the bathroom’s doorway, he watched Louis pace around the room, grumbling to himself. It was an odd sight - something he never saw Louis in particular do. He didn’t get much time to watch the strange scene before him, though, as Louis stopped the moment he caught sight of Brendan in the doorway. 

Louis looked around awkwardly, as if he was pretending to be looking for something instead of, well, whatever he was doing. He picked up a hoodie off the floor, giving Brendan the quick excuse that he was cold, that they must have turned the heat off in the hotel, before he pulled the hoodie over his body. It was when Louis pushed his arms through the sleeves that Brendan realized something. 

That was his jumper.

His face heated up at the realization, biting his lip as he made his way back to the bed to sit down.

“Aren’t… Aren’t you cold too?”

He was. However, he didn’t have the heart to tell Louis that he stole his jumper. He looked good in it anyway. As special as that hoodie was to him, Louis could keep it, if he really wanted to.

“Come on, lad, where’s your jumper? I know you were wearing one last night. Where’d you put it?” Louis looked around again, a frown back on his face. “Fuck it. You’ll just have to wear one of mine until we find it, I guess.” Brendan’s eyes widened at the idea. 

“N-No, that’s fine!” Brendan quickly blurted out, his face turning pink. Louis stopped, looking over at Brendan in confusion. “I mean… Uh… You’re kind of… You’re wearing it.” Louis blinked in confusion, looking down at what he was wearing before letting out a small hum.

“Well,” he started, looking up at Brendan, “I guess it’s only fair that you get to wear one of mine, then, huh?” Brendan started to protest, only to have Louis pull out a red and white turtleneck sweater far too big for either of them to wear.

“There, that thing’s warm, put that on,” Louis urged, poking at his chest, “Then we can get some breakfast, if we’re quick enough.” Brendan reluctantly put the jumper on, huffing at the length of the sleeves and the overall bagginess of it all. He felt like a small child, wearing hand-me-downs that he would ‘eventually grow into.’

He looked up at Louis for approval, watching as the older lad came over to him.

“You look good.” Louis’ hands reached up to Brendan’s neck, adjusting the collar of the jumper. Soft fingers grazed his neck, and feelings for Louis that he had pushed down for months came rushing back. 

He wasn’t sure when it first happened, the butterflies in his stomach. Perhaps it was when Louis hit the golden buzzer for him during the Six Chair Challenge. Or, perhaps it was when Brendan was seconds away from fighting for his spot in the competition, Louis taking him into his arms and comforting him as Brendan tried his best to stay strong for the two of them. What he did know is that Anthony brought it up to him as a joke one night after rehearsals, and suddenly, things started to make sense.

And it scared him.

Growing up, he always thought he would end up with some nice girl. He thought about buying a home with her, of going home to her after a long day of work. He’d always thought about how he would propose to her - whether it would be in some extravagant manner, or if he’d go the traditional route. He thought about the kids they would have together, how he’d take care of her while she was carrying their children - all sorts of sappy, domestic things like that. 

And then.

Then Louis came into his life and completely changed that idea. Brendan had a girlfriend for most of his time on the show, but, after what Anthony had said, whenever he was with her, all Brendan could think about was Louis - what holding his hand would be like, what his lips would feel like against his own, what his touch would --

“Brendan?”

Brendan was snapped out of his thoughts by Louis gently shaking his shoulders. He met Louis’ concerned gaze, humming in response. 

“Are you okay?”

He nodded his head, mumbling an apology. Louis gave Brendan a smile that made his heart skip a beat, gently grabbing his arm. 

“Let’s get breakfast then, lad.” Louis opened the door and lead him out of the room. “I’m fucking starving.” Brendan bit his lip, slowly following the man out of the hotel room.

He couldn’t believe this was happening. He couldn’t believe that he was in Louis’ presence again. He couldn’t believe that he woke up in his arms. He couldn’t believe he was about to get breakfast with him. 

Most importantly, he couldn’t believe that his attempts to push down any feelings he had for Louis had failed.

Louis and him, it would never happen. Louis would never like him back. Hell, they’d both been avoiding each other until Brendan crash landed back into his life. Louis was probably doing this to be nice, but the moment that Brendan was back home, the moment that Louis was out of Galway, they’d be back to not talking to each other and Brendan would be back to being forgotten. 

Just the thought of it all made his heart hurt.

Their breakfast was as decent as a hotel breakfast could be. Brendan didn’t eat much, despite Louis urging him to eat, but he did get down a bit of cereal and yogurt as he watched the Doncaster man scarf down his much larger breakfast. It was as if Louis hadn’t eaten in days.

“I missed dinner last night,” Louis quickly explained in between bites after noticing Brendan’s concerned gaze, “Running late, and all that. Didn't have the time to stop for food.” Brendan gave him a quiet nod, looking down at his bowl of Frosties. He couldn’t help but wonder if he was one of the reasons for Louis’ lack of time.

“I’m sorry,” Brendan mumbled, a frown growing on his face. Louis blinked, looking up from his own food.

“For what?”

“For, you know, this,” he waved his arms around, gesturing to the situation, “For you needing to babysit me last night. For running into you. You could have had a proper meal last night if it weren’t for me.”

“Bren, it’s fine, really. I don’t mind. I wasn’t going to eat at three in the morning, anyway. Just wanted a smoke before bed. You’re fine.” Louis shrugged, taking a sip of his water. “Besides, I’ve babysat worse. All you did was cry for a bit and then fall asleep. Nothing major. Much calmer than any of the lads back in the band, that’s for sure.”

The thought of Brendan crying to Louis only made the lad frown more, which earned one from Louis in return. Brendan sighed at that, running his fingers through his hair. 

“Please tell me I didn’t say anything stupid last night.”

“You can’t remember anything?” Louis tilted his head, squinting at Brendan as he shook his head. 

“Only bits and pieces.”

Louis was silent for a moment, before letting out a small hum, taking another bite of his food. Brendan looked away, staring down at his cereal. He was certain he said something, though, whether Louis would ever tell him what exactly it was that he said was debatable. He couldn’t imagine what he said to Louis.  He just hoped it wasn’t anything too terrible, hoping he hadn’t gotten too angry when he ran into him. 

“You didn’t say anything too stupid, Bren,” Louis mumbled, “Just regular drunken self-deprecation. Not too much, though. I promise. It wasn’t a big deal. I think... I think you just needed a cuddle, was all. Fell asleep right after.” Brendan nodded quietly.

Part of him wished he hadn’t freaked out when he woke up. Part of him wished he had laid in Louis’ arms a little while longer, as the sun started to shine into the room from the windows, as Louis himself woke up. Part of him wished that he’d woken up to Louis’ fingers in his hair, gently pushing it out of his face as he was told it was time to get up. But that didn’t happen, and it wasn’t ever going to happen. 

They were just friends, Brendan had to remind himself. Hell, they were barely friends. Louis was only doing this because he was a nice person. Louis was too good to not take care of someone who stumbled into him in the middle of the night. 

Once Brendan got back home, all of this was over. He didn’t want it to be true, but he knew it. Life would go back to normal, the moment he stepped into his apartment. He would go back to plumbing. Louis would go back to touring the world. 

“How’s the bird?”

Brendan looked up at Louis in confusion. The bird? 

“Your girlfriend? She must be wondering where you are, right?

_ Oh. _

That bird.

“Right,” Brendan frowned, picking up his water glass and taking a sip. “We broke up. Or, she dumped me. When I was on my way back home after getting eliminated. Suppose she was just with me for the thought that I might get big, or something. It’s fine. I’m fine. Just wish she would have waited for a little bit. It’s not fun, getting loads of bad news at once. Though, I was kind of expecting it, I guess. Things got… different… between us.”

Brendan’s heart still hurt a little when he thought about the breakup, sure. But, in all honesty, the look Louis gave him upon hearing about the breakup hurt more than the actual breakup.

“Bren, are you sure you’re okay?” Louis asked, reaching over to place a hand on his arm, “Breakups suck, regardless of whether you were still in love or not. Especially if she’s really been using you for a chance of fame, yeah?” Brendan nodded, staring down at the tattooed hand laying over his arm.

“I’m fine, Louis. I’m over it,” he paused, hesitating for a moment before speaking again, “Besides, I… I think I may have my eyes on someone else, now.” 

Silence washed over them as Brendan watched Louis pull his hand away, the shorter lad standing up to throw away his garbage and what little leftovers he had. Brendan followed suit, his heart dropping at the sudden silence. 

Was Louis catching on? Brendan hoped not. Part of him had said that just to make it seem like he was moving on. Or at least, moving on a bit better than what he had been. The other part of him? The other part of him decided to get brave, apparently - as if the alcohol was still in effect. Brendan knew it wasn’t. 

As he threw away his own trash, Brendan couldn’t help but wonder about what he even wanted to happen. Did he want Louis to drop everything, to lift him up in his arms like he did on the show? To tell him he loved him? He couldn’t help but laugh at his idiotic thoughts, causing Louis to turn around. 

A confused look glossed over Louis’ blue eyes as he looked up at Brendan, and Brendan almost had to leave the room. How could someone be so… so perfect?

“What?” Louis asked him, a nervous laugh escaping his mouth, “What’s so funny?” He looked so concerned, as if he was scared that he had done something embarrassing. Brendan quickly shook his head. 

“Nothing,” Brendan said, “I promise. Just thought of something, is all.” He averted his gaze from Louis’ suspicious one, pulling the sleeves of Louis’ jumper over his hands. 

“...Right,” Louis murmured, a nervous smile on his face, “Well, uh. Let’s get going, I suppose? I assume you have a life to get back to, right? Girlfriend or not, that is.”

“R-right,” Brendan repeated, following behind the lad.

If only he could tell Louis that he had no life to go back to. 


	3. Chapter 3

“Here we are,” Brendan mumbled, fumbling with his keys in an effort to find the right one for his apartment. Once he found it and unlocked the door, he swung it opened with a tired sigh. “Home sweet home.”

_Home sweet home._

It was an exaggeration.

His flat barely looked like a home. Boxes were still stacked against his walls. The only bits of furniture built was his couch and his coffee table. He hadn’t even built his bed - he slept with his mattress on the floor of his room and had been since he moved in about a month and a half prior.

If he wasn’t so hungover, Brendan would have been more embarrassed by the fact that Louis was stepping into his messy, barely moved into apartment. However, the twenty minutes it took to walk from the hotel to his flat really wore him out. He felt tired and sick, his head pounding with every breath he took.

“It’s uh…” Louis looked around as he closed the door behind him. “It’s nice.”

“I’m not done moving in,” Brendan explained, running his fingers through his hair, “Haven’t had the time.”

“You had the time to go drinking last night.”

“Haven’t had the motivation, either.”

Louis nodded quietly, pulling his shoes off. Brendan watched in confusion, not sure why Louis was doing such a thing. He was certain that Louis was going to leave right away but he didn’t really have the energy to think about it.

“I’m going to take a nap,” Brendan muttered, rubbing his eyes, “Make yourself at home, I guess.”

He stumbled off to his bedroom, pulling off his shoes and the turtleneck jumper, crawling into his bed. The combination of his exhaustion and the warmth of his room made it easy to fall asleep.

He woke up to a shout what felt like moments later, but was really a couple hours later.

Letting out a tired groan, Brendan wrapped a blanket around his body and got up, slowly making his way to the door. He opened it to Louis on the ground not far from his room, desperately trying to pick up the mess he had made. His apartment smelled like pizza and his stomach growled at the smell. He didn’t realize he was so hungry.

Louis was wiping up soda, Brendan realized, seeing a plastic cup tipped over on the floor. Louis looked up his panicked eyes meeting Brendan’s tired gaze.

“Shit,” Louis mumbled, grabbing the cup and standing, “I uh, I hope you don’t mind but… I got us some pizza. I was going to wake you up and give you some, since you haven’t eaten much, but I spilled, and… I’m sorry.”

“No,” Brendan stepped out of the room, reaching for the plate of pizza sitting on his coffee table, “It’s okay. Thank you, Louis, for the pizza.” Louis shook his head, gently pushing him back into his room.

“Stay in bed. You should be resting,” Louis told him with a soft laugh, “I’ll bring you your pizza, hold on. Just wait a moment.”

Brendan blushed and nodded, walking back to his bed. He laid down, pulling his covers back over him as he let out a tired sigh. He didn’t want Louis to see how sad his bedroom was, but Louis had already seen how sad the rest of his flat was, so it couldn’t be much worse.

Louis took two steps into the room before stopping and looking around, a frown on his face. “Mate, you don’t even have a proper bed?” He sat down on the edge of the mattress, handing him a plate.

“I do,” Brendan mumbled, sitting up and taking the plate, “I just… Haven’t built it yet, is all.”

“So you’ve just been sleeping down here?” Brendan nodded quietly and Louis let out a sigh. “You can’t be sleeping on the floor, Bren. I think I’ve got to help you move in, since you aren’t going to do it on your own.”

In all honesty, Brendan didn’t really want the help. He’d rather do it all on his own, but, Louis was here and he would rather spend time with him than be alone for another day. So he silently agreed to it, taking a bite of his pizza.

The pizza was good - amazing really. Though, having been the first bit of  _real_ food he had eaten in almost two days, Brendan knew it would taste better than what it probably tasted. He scarfed down the food on his plate, much like Louis had done at breakfast. However, Brendan was sure he wasn’t being as flawless with it as Louis had been.

“I knew you’d be hungry,” Louis said, handing Brendan his plate, “Take that last piece, would you? You need it far more than I do.” Brendan gladly took the last slice, quickly eating it as Louis watched.

“Lad.” Louis let out a soft laugh when Brendan finished. “You’ve got sauce all over your face.”

“Oh.” Brendan frowned, handing his empty plate to Louis. “I’ll go clean up, then. I’ll be back.” He quickly got up and headed to his bathroom, closing the door behind him.

Yikes.

He cursed under his breath upon seeing his face in his mirror. He looked like an absolute mess, and it wasn’t just because of the sauce on his face. No, it was his tired eyes, the bags collecting underneath them. It was his hair, bits and pieces sticking up in all directions. It was embarrassing, looking like such a mess in Louis’ presence. Though, he supposed he looked less of a mess now than he did the night before.

He washed his face, ridding himself of the pizza sauce with cold water, hoping the temperature would wake him up a bit. Which it did, a little. It didn’t help him look less of a mess, though, as he tried to sort his hair out, running his fingers through his hair in an effort to tame his bedhead.

Louis Tomlinson could have come back into his life at any time, but, of course, it had to be when Brendan looked like shit.

He really wished he was still getting haircuts almost every day. His hair was getting longer now, growing out as hair does.

When he finally got his hair to lay flat on his head, Brendan heard a knock on the bathroom door. He glanced over at the door in the mirror, a slight frown on his face. Properly fixing his hair would have to wait, he realized, as he reached over and grabbed the doorknob and twisted it, opening the door and letting Louis come into the bathroom.

“Sorry.” Louis hopped up onto the counter. “You were taking too long. Just wanted to check up on you.”

“Only trying to fix my hair,” Brendan responded, looking over at Louis. The Doncaster lad shrugged, glancing up at his hair.

“Looks fine to me. You should have it like that more often. Looks good.”

Brendan couldn’t help but blush and look away from Louis, nervously chewing on his lip. Compliments were difficult for him to accept, but, coming from Louis, they were even more difficult. It was Louis Tomlinson - anyone that important who was giving him positive feedback would have had him taken aback.

“You… You really think so?”

Brendan caught a glimpse of Louis smiling at him in the mirror, a soft look in his eyes.

“Of course, Bren. You look good.” Louis patted his shoulder before hopping off the counter. “Now, hurry up. I want to at least get your bedroom done.”

They spent the rest of the day unpacking. Well, building  _and_ unpacking. They made his bedroom look almost like a proper bedroom by the time the sun started to set, red and orange hues casting light into the room as Brendan and Louis sat on his newly built bed, rummaging through a box and sorting out its contents.

The day went well.

It went far better than Brendan would have ever expected, after waking up hungover in Louis’ hotel room, after not seeing him for two months, after harboring so much anger towards him. Though, he was almost over the anger.

Almost.

Louis pulled out a picture frame from the box - one that Brendan had completely forgotten about it.

Louis curiously stared down at the picture. His head tilted to the side, as if he was wondering why exactly Brendan had a framed picture of the two of them together, Brendan in Louis’ arms.

They looked so happy in the picture. So fucking happy. Of course, they were. Brendan had gotten through to the next week, the moment that picture was taken. He remembered how excited they both were as he jumped into Louis’ arms the moment his name was called, pumping his fist in the air in triumph. The moment Louis set him down, Brendan brought the shorter man into his arms, running around the stage for a brief moment before they were informed that they needed to move the show along.

It was probably one of his favorite moments on the show.

Louis’ curious gaze turned into a soft one, the same warm smile on his face that Brendan had seen in the bathroom earlier that day.

“S-some… Someone gave that to me,” Brendan told him, “You know, after I… After I came home.”

It wasn’t fair. It never had been, the fact that Brendan didn’t even get a chance to prove himself, the fact that he was eliminated without a fighting chance.

He should have been given that chance.

He should have been given that chance to prove himself to Louis - and to everyone else - one last time.

But he wasn’t given that chance. Brendan remembered his heart shattering the moment his name was called. The moment they told him he was eliminated. The moment he realized that he would no longer be seeing Louis every day.

And, when Louis came to say his piece on Brendan, on how he was sure he would go far, Brendan didn’t hear a word he said.

He couldn’t even remember if Louis even looked sad.

All he remembered was the heartache growing in his chest with every breath he took, knowing he wouldn’t be seeing those gorgeous blue eyes the next day.

Or the next.

Or the next.

When he returned for the finale, Brendan quickly realized that Louis was avoiding him, keeping himself busy talking to Dalton and Anthony, to Gio and Bella and Scarlett and Molly.

But never talking to Brendan.

So, Brendan avoided him the best he could, lowering his gaze during the big performance with Robbie Williams, staying on the outside of the group hug when Dalton won, trying his best to be excited, to be happy for his friend, but only feeling pain in his chest.

Heartbreak.

“You let his eyes get to you, huh, lad?” Anthony had joked one night, weeks prior, “Bright blue eyes, going straight to your head, Bren? All you do is stare when he’s in the room, you know. Must really like him.”

Looking back at it, Brendan wasn’t sure if Anthony was joking or making a point.

Because, Brendan was hopelessly in love with Louis. No matter how hard he tried to push it down. No matter how mad he was that Louis completely ignored him. No matter how much it hurt.

He loved Louis.

And it terrified him.

“We were on top of the world then, weren’t we, lad?” Louis spoke, his thumb grazing over the glass. “Do you miss it?”

Did he miss it?

Did he miss performing? Yes. Did he miss spending so much time with Louis? Yes. Did he miss the house and sharing a room with Anthony? Sure.

Did he miss the heartache? No.

“I mean, I suppose,” Brendan mumbled, “I wouldn’t do it again though. Once is far more than enough.”

Silence.

“Do you?”

A shrug from Louis.

“I mean, I suppose,” Louis repeated before standing up, the frame still in his hands, “This needs a home.”

Brendan quietly watched the lad wander around the room, setting the picture on various surfaces before finally propping it up on top of the dresser, right next to his mirror.

“There. Now you can think of us every morning when you look in the mirror.”

Louis said it as a joke, as if Brendan wasn’t going to be thinking of Louis every morning in the first place.  

Louis returned to the bed, humming as he sat back down on it. Brendan laid back with a yawn, pulling a pillow over his bare chest as the Doncaster lad curiously looked down at him.

“Break time,” Brendan simply said, closing his eyes.

“Oh, I suppose,” Louis dramatically said, laying next to him.

Silence washed over them for what felt like the millionth time that day. But, it almost felt different, this time around. Calm.

“Oh!” Louis said suddenly, rolling over to face Brendan, causing the younger lad to open his eyes and look over at him. “I forgot to tell you. While you were sleeping, I stocked up your fridge. It was empty. Looked like you hadn’t shopped in weeks.” It was Brendan’s turn to roll over to face Louis, a curious look in his eyes.

“Why?”

“Why what?” Louis scrunched his nose up in confusion, a smile growing on his face.

“Why are you doing this all for me? You know, stocking up my fridge.” Brendan watched as Louis propped his head up against his hand, a curious look filling his own eyes as he looked down at Brendan. “Helping me move in.  _Babysitting_ me.”

“Because,” Louis simply said, pausing for a second as if he was trying to find the right answer, “Because we’re friends for life.”

“Friends for life?” Brendan echoed, a slight frown on his face as he turned to lay on his back, “Louis, you--”

“Friends for life.” Louis cut in, twisting his body so that he was leaning over Brendan, his tattooed arm stretching across Brendan’s body to grip the side of the bed. “I told you that. I don’t care what you say. We’re friends for life. And I’m gonna take care of you, okay?”

Brendan’s heart started pounding, realizing how close Louis was to him. His blue eyes filled with fire as he stared down at him, waiting for an answer.

“Friends for life,” Brendan murmured once more, hazy eyes staring into the fire.

“You got that, Bren?”

Louis’ face moved painfully closer to him, as if he was trying to intimidate him, his face mere centimeters away as he glared down at him with a tough look. He was only joking, Brendan knew that. Louis always played up his strength, always tried to intimidate people. But this?

It was too close for comfort.

And Brendan couldn’t control himself any longer.

He didn’t even think about the consequences. He just… leaned forward. He leaned forward and caught Louis’ lips in his own. A quick, yet slow kiss. Louis’ lips were softer than he imagined, and, he could have sworn he felt Louis make an attempt to kiss him back.

That is, before he abruptly pulled away.

“I… I need to leave,” Louis quickly said, getting off the bed, “I need to leave.”

Rejection.

Brendan should have known.

He sat up, watching Louis maneuver his way out of the room, heart pounding faster than it was before, panic rising in his chest.

“W-wait,” Brendan squeaked out following behind him, “Louis, I--”

“I need to leave.”

Brendan wanted to shout at him. He wanted to confront him right then and there, wanted to call him out for  _needing to leave_ , for bailing on him  _again._ But somewhere, in the midst of the panicked chaos in his mind, something told him not to fight back. Something told him to respect Louis’ decisions, that it was the right thing to do.

He couldn’t ruin this more than he already did.

So, Brendan just nodded his head, quietly taking a couple steps back, sadness filling his eyes as he motioned for him to go.

And, Louis left. Just like that, with Brendan whispering an apology after him.

Brendan never cried more in his life.


	4. Chapter 4

August.

Brendan didn’t see Louis again until August.

He expected to never see him again.

And yet?

There he was.

Brendan never really experienced heartbreak before. At least, after what he had been going through the past six months, he wasn’t quite sure if he could call any past situations of heartbreak legitimate. His first breakup didn’t hurt this much, and that one hurt more than his most recent one.

Either way, he was positive none of them hurt as much as this did.

Sometimes, Brendan was able to forget about that moment completely. However, the moment he’d remember again, it would hit him like a ton of bricks. For the first few weeks, he’d have to stop what he was doing and take a break for a quick moment, the pain enough to knock the air out of him. But, as time went on, Brendan realized he needed to keep himself busy. To forget.

He finished moving in. He went to work. He practiced his music and posted the occasional cover. Anything to keep him busy.

Sometimes, he went out to the pub.

Sometimes. When he was having a bad day.

Just to forget it all.

The night before had been one of those nights. He drank far too much, as he was nursing a major hangover at work the next day.

He couldn’t remember much of what happened. One moment, he was on the roof of a client’s home, helping a co-worker unclog a plumbing vent. The next moment, he was on the lawn of the client’s home, the air knocked out of him, pain somehow worse than the heartbreak rushing to his arm.

He let out a shout, and, not long after, passed out from the pain.

Brendan woke up in someone’s arms, quickly gathering the facts that he was in a hospital and that his arm really hurt.

He looked up to figure out who exactly was holding him, and started crying when he saw who it was. Though, he attributed most of his tears to the pain.

_Louis._

Louis was there, fast asleep with his arms wrapped around Brendan’s torso, long fringe falling over his tired looking face while he wore an all-too familiar-hoodie.

Six months.

There he was.

Brendan let out a squeak of a sob, and he felt Louis tighten an arm around him, the other arm reaching up to press the ‘Call Nurse’ button. Louis’ hand tiredly dropped back down, finding itself a new home at the back of Brendan’s head.

“Stop moving,” Louis mumbled, his eyes still closed. Brendan stopped, unaware that he had been squirming around until Louis brought it up. “You broke your arm and you're dehydrated. Medicine’s coming in a second. You’re also hooked up to a lot of machines right now. So stop moving.”

‘W-Why…?” Brendan squeaked out, his voice trailing off. He wasn’t sure what he was actually questioning. Why Louis was here? Why he was dehydrated? Why his arm was broken? Why Louis was holding Brendan?

“Shh…” Louis hushed him, fingers tangling themselves in Brendan’s short hair, pulling a soft, blue blanket back over the two of them. “We’ll talk later, I promise. For now, we’re gonna get some medicine in you, and then we’re gonna get some more sleep.”

Brendan didn’t protest. He didn’t have the energy to do so. He just snuggled closer to Louis, closing his eyes and focusing on the rhythm of Louis’ heartbeat as he waited for his medicine. It didn’t take long for the nurse to show up, and as soon as he’d taken his medicine and the nurse left, he fell asleep, praying that Louis wouldn’t be gone when he woke up.

He woke up a couple hours later to Louis trying to get out of bed. The two of them were sitting upright, Brendan’s arms wrapped around Louis as Louis carefully cradled Brendan in his own arms. He whined in response to the movement, his hand gripping to the back of Louis’ jumper.

“I know. I’m sorry,” Louis whispered, “I need to go for a quick wee. I’ll be back. Promise. But, you gotta let go so I don’t hurt you, okay?”

Brendan sleepily opened his eyes, looking up to meet Louis’ gaze for the first time in six months. There was a soft look in his tired eyes, one much warmer than what he pictured seeing when thinking about seeing Louis again. He expected a much colder look in those eyes.

“Two minutes. I promise,” Louis told him, leaning forward to lay back down, “I haven’t exactly had a chance to use the toilet since I landed.” Brendan quietly nodded, letting go of Louis. He watched with blurry vision as Louis headed into the bathroom connected to the hospital room, making an attempt to raise his right arm in the air after he heard the door close. He stared at the cast on his arm.

It was odd looking.

For one thing, the cast went up most of his arm, ending halfway up his upper arm. His arm was going to be bent in a right angle for the next, well, however long it was going to be in a cast. For another thing, the cast wasn’t white, or some other solid color. No, it was three colors - red, blue, and yellow - chaotically wrapped around his arm, the colors overlapping and intertwining, almost as if they didn’t have enough of one color for his arm, so they just used whatever was left over.

“What are you doing?” Louis asked, letting out a soft laugh at the sight of Brendan laying there, arm bent in the air. Brendan blinked, looking over at Louis.

“Arm,” Brendan simply said, slightly waving his arm in response. “It’s colorful.”

“Yeah, sorry about that one, mate,” Louis hummed, crawling back onto the bed, “They asked what color you’d want. I didn’t know, so I picked a few. Your arm’s probably going to be in a sling most of the time anyway, so it won’t be too noticeable.” Brendan nodded quietly, feeling Louis’ arms wrap around him, the older man pulling him close to his body.

He was warm.

Brendan curled up next to him, his head returning to Louis’ chest.

“How are you feeling?” Louis gently asked, pushing Brendan’s hair out of his face.

“Tired,” he mumbled in response, his free hand gripping at Louis’ shirt, “Confused.”

“Because I’m here?”

Brendan nodded, and Louis let out a sigh.

“Do you remember what happened? I mean, how you broke your arm?” Brendan told him he didn’t and Louis leaned back a bit, pulling up the covers. “Let’s start there, then.”

“You were at work. On someone’s roof, doing God knows what. Plumber stuff. I don’t fucking know. Anyway, one second you were on the roof, and, the next, you were on the ground. Because, you passed out. And then you woke up for a bit, I guess? I don’t know. You fainted twice before you got here, that’s all I know. Because, you, I’m guessing, went to the pub last night and drank far too much, since you’re quite dehydrated, and still smell of alcohol.”

Brendan bit his lip, noticing a wave of anger in Louis’ voice at the fact he had gone and drank too much again.

“You woke up in the ambulance, started freaking out, and… I guess, the only word to come out of your mouth was my name. Over and over. I was about to take off. I was in Dublin and I was about to go back home. And then I got a call from this place asking if I knew of a Brendan Murray. I came here instead, because they couldn’t get anything in you or anyone near you. All you wanted was me. So, I came here and held you so you could calm down and they could treat you.”

His voice returned to its soft tone by the end of his explanation as he absentmindedly played with Brendan’s hair.

“Why?” Brendan quietly asked, “Why did you show up? You could have just gone home. I would have been fine. They would have figured something out.”

“Friends for life,” Louis simply answered, letting out a yawn, “You cut your hair since the last time I saw you.”

“The last time you saw me, you bailed on me.”

“I needed to leave.”

“You _left_ because I _kissed_ you.”

Silence filled the room, and it only upset Brendan more. He sat up, running his fingers through his hair.

“You know, why act like this? Why be all cuddly like this when… when I barely kissed you and you ran away? I barely kissed you. I tried saying I was sorry. And you… just left. And I was alone. Again. Friends for life? That’s not us, Louis. Friends for life isn’t just showing up when it’s convenient, being all cuddly and… and caring, for two days, and then leaving again for months on end. That’s not a ‘friends for life’ situation. You _avoided_ me at the finale. You didn’t talk to me for two months. If I hadn’t run into you six months ago, I probably still wouldn’t have seen you, or even talked to you at this point.” Brendan turned to look at Louis.

“Did you tell Anthony the same thing? Did you tell Dalton? Did you fucking tell _Armstrong_? Did you tell them that the lot of you are friends for life? Or are you all something else?”

Everything that had been building up inside of Brendan for the past eight months was starting to escape. He was done holding it back - Louis needed to hear his side of it all. They both needed to stop pretending that things were fine when they were together.

Louis.

He looked upset.

Hurt, almost.

But, Brendan had been hurting for far too long.

“I cried myself to sleep, after you left. Because I thought I would never see you again, that you were out of my life forever. Because… Because I messed up, and you hated me. And… I couldn’t hate you, no matter how hard I tried. I just… hurt so much, Louis.”

“I wasn’t supposed to see you,” Louis cut in, staring down at his hands. “My team was convinced you’d developed feelings for me. And no matter how many times I’d tried to convince them that you hadn’t, that you weren’t, like, in love with me, they told me that, as soon as you were eliminated, I would need to cut ties with you. I didn’t have the heart to tell you. I should have warned you. I just thought it would be easier not telling you, but… that night you ran into me, you cried over the fact we’d never see each other ever again. I didn’t want that to happen. I really didn’t.”

“But… you let it happen…” Brendan squeaked out, his gaze focused on his own hands, “Why?”

“You kissed me,” Louis muttered, “And I got scared.” Tears filled Brendan’s eyes.

“Why… Why were you scared…?”

“Because, I… I wanted to kiss you back,” Louis let out, his voice barely loud enough to be considered a whisper, “But, I didn’t want to ruin everything.”

“What was there to ruin?”

They both knew everything between them was ruined the moment Brendan was eliminated off the show. The moment Louis cut him out of his life. The moment Brendan gave up on trying.

A sob filled the room.

And it didn’t belong to Brendan.

He quickly looked up at Louis, his heart absolutely shattering at the sight in front of him. Louis was small, but he looked smaller than usual as his body curled in on itself in an attempt to hide his face from Brendan. He looked so broken, despite Brendan being the one with the actual broken bones.

Brendan had never seen Louis cry. Not like this, at least. He had seen Louis tear up a couple times, but he’d never seen  _this._ He never thought he would - Louis was strong. But, now that he had? He wished he could wipe it out of his mind and never see it again.

“Louis…” Brendan frowned, pulling Louis into a hug with his left arm, “I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything,” Louis sniffled, quickly wiping away his tears, “You were so perfectly, beautifully you, and… I messed everything up. You told me that no one wants you, while you were crying, that night. And, it broke my heart, because… because I did that to you. I ruined you. And… and then you kissed me the next day and I realized that everything my team said about you, after all the protesting I made over it, was true. And, yeah, maybe I wanted to kiss you back, maybe I’d started to develop feelings for you, too, but I had already ruined everything for you. I couldn’t… I couldn’t make things worse by kissing you, by leading you on and breaking you even more than what I’ve done. Because I know what comes next, and that’s us being separated and me having to pretend I’m in love with a girl that I probably will never escape at this point and--”

Louis cut himself off, fearing that he was starting to ramble on. He took a shaky breath before quietly continuing. “And I know it doesn’t count for anything, but I’m really fucking sorry for screwing everything up. You deserve the world, Brendan. Did you know that? Because you do, and, I don’t think I could ever give you that.”

“But, you did,” Brendan told him, “You gave me the biggest opportunity of my life. And, sure, the results weren’t the greatest, but, out of it all, I got you. My world’s right here. Right in front of me. And… And he’s crying and it’s absolutely destroying my heart.” He reached over, gently wiping Louis’ tears away.

“Shitty world,” Louis mumbled, closing his eyes at Brendan’s touch.

“Well, I think it’s perfect, at least.”

Louis cracked the slightest of smiles, opening his eyes to meet Brendan’s gaze. Brendan smiled back at him.

“Perfectly, beautifully you,” Brendan told him, repeating Louis’ own words. Louis laughed softly, shaking his head before pulling Brendan to his chest.

“Perfectly, beautifully you,” Louis echoed, hesitating for a quick moment before leaning forward and kissing him.

The kiss was gentle, cautious, almost. It was as if Louis wasn’t sure if Brendan wanted this. Brendan could have cried at it, after everything the two of them had been through. He wasn’t going to, though, as that probably would have scared Louis away. Instead, Brendan leaned into the kiss, reassuring Louis that this was indeed what he wanted. He felt a smile grow on Louis’ lips and Brendan couldn’t help but smile back against those lips.

Eventually, they pulled away from each other, and it felt like a weight had been lifted. So much stress had been caused by what was going on between the two of them - not just for him, but for Louis as well. And now? Now that they, for the most part, had sorted things out, things felt like they were looking up.

Perhaps things were going to be okay.


	5. Chapter 5

“Bren.” 

Brendan curled up under his covers, a frown painting itself across his face as he ignored Louis’ voice, not quite ready to wake up from his nap. 

It had been two days since Brendan left the hospital, and three days since Louis kissed him. They decided after that kiss that they were going to try the whole ‘couple’ thing out. Brendan had never been happier with all the affection he was getting from Louis and the affection he got to give Louis. He loved seeing Louis’ eyes light up after every kiss, every cuddle. 

Louis was adamant from the moment Brendan was discharged that he came back to Brendan’s flat to take care of him. Brendan didn’t mind all that much, of course - he just didn’t want to be much of a burden on Louis. But the older lad insisted, informing him that he had a couple weeks off between legs of his tour.

“Brendan, love.” 

Louis encouraged him to take a nap. He had carried him right to bed, despite Brendan’s claims that he wasn’t tired, even if he was trying his best not to nod off while eating lunch, his pain medication starting to kick in. 

He felt Louis poke his shoulder.

“Come on, Brennie, love,” Louis whispered, sitting down at the edge of the bed, “I’ve got something important to tell you.” 

“I’m sleeping,” Brendan mumbled, back as he pulled his pillow to his chest, snuggling into it, “Go away.” He heard Louis let out a soft laugh, feeling him tug at the covers. 

“I’ll let you sleep in a second,” Louis told him, “I need to tell you something.” 

Brendan rolled onto his back, opening his eyes to look at Louis. He reached up to him, wanting him to come and cuddle. Louis grinned in return, crawling onto the bed and wrapping his arms around the younger lad. 

“I got a call,” Louis started, reaching a hand up to Brendan’s hair, gently pushing it out of his face. Brendan looked up at him in confusion, urging him to go on. “The opening act for the next leg dropped out.” 

“Oh no,” Brendan frowned, kissing Louis’ chin, “What are you going to do? You can’t find someone that quick, can you? Maybe… Maybe you can just not have an opening act? And… add more songs to your set? I don’t know…” He felt bad, knowing that Louis had been planning this tour for ages, trying to make everything perfect for him and his fans. He wished he could help, but, he didn’t quite know how.

“No, it’s fine. I’ve got it all sorted out.” 

“What do you mean? You already found someone?”

Louis hummed, nodding his head. 

“It just depends on whether or not he says yes to it.”

“Who is it? Is he well known or…?” 

“Mm… he’s kind of well known. Perhaps more known than what he thinks, to be honest. He’s not signed with anyone, but his fans miss him, I know that.” Louis leaned back, looking up at the ceiling. “He’s an amazing singer. A lovely person. Deserves the world, which is why I’m gonna get him signed to my label, so he can put out some proper music for his fans. He’s also Irish. But not in a ‘Niall Horan’ sort of way. Though, he was in a boyband too, so perhaps he’s got that vibe. But I wouldn’t say he was the Niall of his band.” 

Brendan looked up at him, a confused look on his face. Louis couldn’t possibly be talking about him. There was no way. His heart started beating faster at the thought of it all, of getting to tour with Louis, of getting to travel the world with him, of getting to perform again.

“Wh-who is it?” Brendan nervously stuttered out, gaining a smile from Louis.

“He’s called Brendan,” Louis told him, kissing the top of his head, “Brendan Murray.” 

Brendan bit his lip, trying his best to hold back a smile. Opening up for Louis was something Brendan had once dreamed of doing but never thought would happen. And the fact that he’d be getting signed, too? Brendan never thought any of this would happen. And yet? Here he was.

“Ah, I heard he’s busy,” Brendan told Louis, taking the man’s hand into his own, fingers gently gliding over tattooed skin. Louis’ face scrunched up in a frown.

“Busy?”

“He’s got to open up for Louis Tomlinson’s tour, after all,” Brendan told him with a soft laugh, “Not sure how though, I heard he busted his arm.”

“Hmm,” Louis hummed, squeezing Brendan’s hand, “Perhaps he’ll have to borrow the band for a bit.”

“I thought it wasn’t allowed, us being seen together.” 

“Fuck that,” Louis replied, “I pulled some strings. So long as nothing ‘suspicious’ gets put out there, of course. That way we don’t have to do damage control, or anything. Only the fun stuff. We’re just friends, to the public.” 

“So the ‘Friends for Life’ title stands,” Brendan said with a laugh.

“Of course,” Louis told him, kissing his forehead, “Because that’s what we are.”

Brendan couldn’t be happier. His relationship with Louis was restored, far more than restored, really. He was going back on tour. He was getting signed and would be able to put out some music again. And, Louis would be there every step of the way. He couldn’t wait.

“Friends for life?” Brendan questioned, earning a quick kiss from Louis.

“More than that.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say a quick thank you to everyone who read this and to everyone who commented, gave kudos, etc. This story was meant to just be a quick little break from something else I've been writing. This is the first chaptered story that I've ever finished, and, I wasn't initially going to post it on here, but it practically turned into my child by the end of it, so I had to. Nonetheless, thank you so much for giving me the courage to post my writing on here. <3


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